MEDIA CENTRE - Off The Wall

Phil’s Travels – Eze, France (01.26)

Phil’s Travel – Eze, France (01.26)

Following a weekend in Bristol to see family for the first time since Xmas 2019, I was off to the Côte d’Azur. Whilst in Bristol, we walked the dog and gazed at the city from above, from the ruins of Purdown Anti-aircraft Battery at the top of Stoke Park Estate whilst surrounded by goats. Yes, goats. Apparently, they keep the weeds and grass at bay thus maintaining this protected site for free. Tres eco.

My trip to the Côte started with an 05.00 Uber to Paddington, then the Lizzie Line to T5 (I was so early we had to wait for the Lizzie Line Station gates to open). T5 was busy already at 06.00, but the new scanners meant security checks occurred with reassuring alacrity. Given Heathrow was doing so well, it came as a surprise to hear recently that its hotel market was not exactly basking in the air hub’s magnificence. Maybe there were just too many hotels around the airport, or perhaps the airport was doing so well that there were no delays and/or people wanted to stay in central London and take the excellent Lizzie or Express or Piccadilly instead. Whatever the cause, hopefully the market will pick up in future.

Having said Heathrow was doing so well, there was a glitch at our gate. The boards indicated Gate A15 and I went to A15. Having sat for 10-15 minutes at A15 alone, I became concerned that no one else was sitting with me. I checked the boards again and the gate was now showing as A10. I went to A10 and joined my fellow passengers, from where a bus took us back to A15. Evidently the jet-bridge had broken at A15. Thus, were we a few minutes late taking off, because of the gate-induced passenger confusion.

Our outbound was less than 50% full, which made me ask, ‘If BA knew they had such a quiet flight on its books, why had the fare gone through the roof?’. When I first checked the flight in December, the fare was around £200 and there were options via easyJet. One week prior to departure, easyJet had no flights available and the BA fare had exploded to nearly 3x. I will never understand airline fare algorithms. Hotel algorithms seemed no better. Our HIEX hotel room in Bristol cost £66 for two for one night, whilst a room for three was priced at £177 per night. I could have bought two rooms for less than the price of one. Where is the logic? Is this to be our illogical life from now on under the yoke of AI?

On approach into Nice Côte d’Azur Airport, we flew over troubled waters. The sea was covered in white tufts indicating a particularly blustery day, although the plane exhibited no such turbulence. BA pilots are good! On the runway, we saw waves crashing over the rocks that border the coastline and protect the aprons and runways from high water. Exciting to see but disturbing if winds should get much stronger (a la Dawlish, where part of the railway sea wall was washed away again recently by Storm Ingrid’s angry seas).

Outside, it was indeed windy, but the sun shone gloriously in an azure sky. It was a sunny lull in Storm Harry that was battering the Med from Spain to Italy. A gorgeous Côte day bookended by days of rain and Mistral winds.

Passport control for the many Brits on our flight was a snail-paced affair and there was no WC in sight. As I was sat at the back of the plane, it took over 40 minutes for me to be controlled and stamped. In Europe now, they take photos of your face and scans of your fingers. It was like entering an African nation. Note to self: next time use your EU passport.

Passport control may have been more thorough, but the delay could surely have been reduced with more officers. As it was, only three desks out of eight were manned, and two others had a couple of chaps chatting, neither of them was moved in the slightest by the room full of grumbling Brits. However, even with eight desks, in high season with multiple flights an hour (we were one flight only), how do they cope? The queues must stretch back to the jet-bridges. Thus, a word to the wise, if you are travelling to the Côte on a non-EU passport in high season, make sure you add an extra day for passport control.

Purpose of visit? To inspect a chateau near the medieval village of Eze for possible redevelopment into tourism use. Imagine Cliveden on the Côte d’Azur. The grounds were immense, the vistas stunning, the chateau gorgeous and the pool out-of-this-world amazing, and all the more glamourous for the backdrop of clear skies and crystal-clear sunlight. On site we were trailed here an there by the owner’s own eco veg cleaners, but instead of goats (which climb trees), he had sheep and donkeys doing his good work.

The drive back to Nice Airport was done in no time, thanks to absent traffic and a fast-driving Parisien host. As a result, I was many hours early for my flight and the check-in area was devoid of anyone. Does anyone go to Nice in winter?

Air side the food options were lamentable, so I went for a Prêt sandwich as the best thing on offer. Our return was delayed by more than 90 minutes owing to the late arrival of our aircraft. It had been held back in London because of lack of water (ie no tea, coffee, sinks, nor WCs). It flew to Nice anyway, waterless (and presumably with legs crossed), and was further delayed in Nice owing to another technical fault. Fault unexplained, but the Captain did assure us that our plane was airworthy and so off we took in a hurry at 22.30, again waterless and cross-legged. Our flight was so late, all the shops in our terminal had closed and the staff karaoke somewhere in the depths of Nice Airport had also packed up and the few passengers for the last flight of the night had to sit in near silence for a good hour.

The return plane was less than half full (again), which permitted the speedy boarding, and the Captain was keen to go ASAP so as to make Heathrow before the 23.30 cut-off (after which no flights permitted). The Captain, so keen was he to get home, clearly had the afterburners on. The roar of the jets was much louder than usual and he only trimmed back when we overflew Paris. He landed at 23.20. We were the last landing of the day. What would have happened had we been 10 minutes later? I do not know. Maybe a last-minute diversion to Luton. Fortunately, I will never know. Our descent into Heathrow was through stormy clouds, backlit by the plane’s flashing wing lights that also highlighted the heavy rain. It was very spooky. Very Twilight Zone-esque.

Given the late hour, I caught one of the last Lizzie Line trains to Paddington, where the security gates to the station were closed behind me (I saw them open and I saw them close all in one day). However, I bet the Lizzie Line crew did not enjoy my sunny day.

Following day, UK inflation data was published. Up 3.4% and higher than expected. One key driver of the increase? Airfares. Based on my fare experience this trip, a certain expression related to Sherlock’s toilet tendencies comes to mind – ‘No s*** Sherlock’!