MEDIA CENTRE - Off The Wall

Phil’s Travels – Manchester, England (09.25)

Phil’s Travels – Manchester, England (09.25)

It was time for the Annual Hotel Conference (AHC) in Manchester and I was on a time and expenses efficiency drive. I left London on the Monday afternoon, after a packed morning in the capital. Recent experiences with trains have taught me not to trust blindly the internet and its various train related websites, offering enigmatic deals and complex tariffs – much easier to go to the station and ask an expert in the flesh. And so it proved again. The wonderful Debbie was a diamond who found me a cheap fare with open return and a full year of further discounted rail travel in prospect. So much more pleasant that using a narrow-minded machine with no personality and a knack for irritating its customers. May the authorities never close the ticket offices.

My train north did not pass through my schoolboy town but did pass through my first post-US town of Wilmslow. Nothing much to see. Macclesfield may be smaller, but the view of the town and its surrounds is much more interesting.

Observation: Avanti trains were very mean when it came to overhead shelf height and WCs. The shelf had sufficient height for a slim line wallet only. GWR and LNER are much more generous and will take a full pull-along. They also offer facilities in alternate carriages. I swear Avanti had one on the whole cavalcade. And it was invariably occupied.

My hotel was in keeping with my cost efficiency drive, a well-known budget brand, situated opposite The Midland Hotel and with great views of the convention centre. Those poor folk paying extortionate tariffs over the road had me for a view. I had their palace for my view. Which got better value?

My room was a good size but the heating was poor and the TV reception poorer. Wifi was not much to shout about either. The biggest disaster, however, was the Heath Robinson bathroom. When open, the door blocked the sink and the tiny space was a temple to mastic. There was more silicone than tiling in there. The finishing was sloppy and despite the lashings of layers the shower leaked. Not only that, the shower screen was so small and the door so close that the spray from endless occupants had made the door and its frame rotten. But the biggest issue was the toilet paper holder. It was situated high up on a wall behind the throne, meaning only a contortionist could reach it and was a challenge for someone recovering from sciatica. And it was a one sheet at a time affair!

Such budget brand should visit a Motel One to see how to do a small bathroom well. Very ergonomic, appealing to look at and to be in and to use, and super-low maintenance. And much less ESG harming sticky stuff.

Finally, even on the seventh floor I could hear the trams rumbling and hooting their way below and the sheets were too small for the mattress. Still, it was cheap and ultimately value for money for one night of brief slumber.

Monday night dinner was held at a major league Italian restaurant (it must have had a capacity of over 200 covers). We had a private room at the rear and our Head Waiter from Portugal was more than willing to play my game.

Walking to and from meetings and Piccadilly Station, it was clear that Manchester was a busy and popular place. The streets were crowded with herds of pedestrians and the odd super car (also many BMs and a sprinkling of Rollers). By contrast, the city remained be-littered with too many empty buildings. Most of them gorgeous examples of Mancunian architecture. Former banks, offices, institutions, etc. More hotels anybody?

The feedback from attendees was of fairly sombre mood music. Something like only 5% of UK hotel pipeline was in Post Planning and 30% In Construction, thus leaving the majority stuck in Pre-planning – sure signs of tough funding conditions. Many job losses and changes afoot. Economy in recession by year-end? On a more positive note from overseas, Saudi could issue alcohol licences for some hotels in some locations soon?

On Tuesday I partook of a lovely breakfast at perhaps my favourite hotel in the city, the Kimpton Clocktower. I remember valuing the hotel back in the 1990s when it was first developed from the old Refuge Assurance Building. The repurposing of such a grand structure in such a great way has always stayed with me as an exemplar of how to do such things. Food was good too.

After a con call on my hotel’s tragic wifi and coffees at The Midland, I caught a quick train home (sadly not through Macc again). Even after such a spartan visit to the Powerhouse of the North, I had many cards and conversations to follow up on. Bish bash bosh, Manchester done. And all for less than £200. See you again next year.